Tuesday, April 19, 2011


As has often been noted, the number of unposted posts to posted posts is roughly 2 or 3 to 1. A collection of thoughts, none sufficient in length for its own post, will be shared here, in no particular order.

Funeral Homes. I noticed a new one a few months ago, maybe even a year ago, on a road much traversed. I thought it a bit odd given that there was a previous one but a mile down the road. Is business that good? When I thought about it a bit more (what else is one to think about when driving?), yes, I think so.

Ol' Bazarov here is the first generation or so in the USA that numbers less than his/her predecessors. Meaning, if you're in the funeral business, then business will only be getting better until my generation starts biting it. Then it'll start to dwindle. The baby boomers will probably provide the beginning of the golden era of death rituals. I'm guessing my generation will opt for the more eco-friendly form of corpse disposal: tissue digestion or other such similar method. It seems that cremation is becoming more and more popular given what a waste of space a graveyard is. Some European cities, and especially Japan, are feeling the pinch rather sharply now, so it's just a matter of time before some sort of change comes about. But the point is that given the growth pyramid charts of post-industrialized countries, I'm guessing that business is good for the undertakers as of yet, but will soon peak, reaching the golden age of corpse handling, and then tail off and undertakers, as we currently know them, may go the way of the telegraph operator. So, if you're in the market for investment, cash out before people my age start kickin the bucket. Though, I guess in this here country, incoming immigrants from pre-industrialized nations will keep the supply of eventual corpses high and steady, if I've read predicted population curves correctly. I, myself, plan on giving up the body to scientific/medical use and then allowing them to do whatever they want...I won't care at that point.

Blogs. I've been rather busy at work lately, so my reading and getting a grasp on what's going on in the world has been limited, to put it mildly. Finally got around to reading some of the e-mails I regularly get but hardly read.

One from Discover magazine (which I used to subscribe to until they started putting stupid ads like how marijuana leads to homelessness and heroin use) had a collection of blogs about scientific studies recently released.

Circumcision. The article/blog ran the same old circles the debate has run for atleast 6 decades or so I suppose. It's interesting to see all the various takes (two, maybe three I'm guessing from what I've seen). What's more curious is the number of women writing/chiming-in on the topic. Oh, do tell! I can't help but laugh at some of the comments, and how passionate the arguments are, on both sides. I even saw something new in the comments underneath the blog link: the accusation that the anti-infantile circumcision (pro-babyforeskin?) crowd is really secretly anti-semitic, and this is just another avenue for the jew haters of the world to bash that religion, specifically the followers of said religion. Interesting, given the majority of circumcised males in the world are muslim, but then again, they're so easily confused, aren't they, those jews and muslims. I could go on here, waving my dick, proverbially and literally, in the wind, take a side and argue, or just note how funny the entire debate is. I wonder how long it would be if a popular religion endorsed branding infants with a waffle iron before some medical benefits were discovered by such a practice. Funny how a big bang (an Inflationary Standard Hot Big Bang to be specific--nerd overload on the cosmology recently) can lead to heated arguments on infantile genital plastic/cosmetic surgery. Silliness.

Restless Leg Syndrome. Turns out a potential treatment is masturbation. Ha! The number of avenues opened up in the imagination by such a therapy proposal are too many to list. I've written a short story where RLS played a central part, knowing little to nothing about the condition. That certainly didn't keep me from using it. The one thing I did research though, because I didn't believe it when I first saw it, were the list of side-effects given for the medication being advertised. The list can be found within this wonderfully written story. I think I'd give masturbation a go before buying the medicine and dealing with all those side-effects...but it does beg some questions, doesn't it? Ha! Funny stuff.

Taint size. Who doesn't like a good bit on taints? A study was conducted in which researchers measured the length of a hundred some young men's taints and correlated it with sperm count I believe it was. They couldn't call that bit of anatomy a taint, of course, and opted for "anogenital", measuring the anogential distance, the length from the anus to the scrotum. Ahh, all those hard years in medical school. I think I'd rather jerk off in a cup and work on Restless Leg Syndrome preventative therapy and submit said cup before dropping trow and letting someone measure my taint. I guess the sperm count test is more expensive. Oh yeah, the correlation: shorter taints correlated positively with lower sperm counts. It said those men with taints shorter by more than two inches from the norm were 7 point something times more likely to have low sperm counts. I'm not sure the article gave a normal taint length (so I can't find out how I stack up against all my rivals out there) or what constitutes a normal sperm count. Apparently a shortening of the taint is an external feminization marker, since women's tend to be shorter, and might be linked to that ingredient in plastics, shampoo and everything else we douse our bodies with daily. Taint-science...it's an amazing time to be alive.

Speaking of taints...Douchebaggery. I've often thought a magazine could be started and a fortune could be made on the male dipshit chunk of the population. All you'd have to do is hijack the Maxim formula: find jokes people too lazy to search the internet didn't find (most if not all submitted by readers anyhow), put clothed hot women in it, and talk about shit in a dumbed down manner. I wonder how many english grads have sold their souls to write for such work, thinking to themselves, "It's just for money. Once my novel/screenplay gets picked up I'll get out of this racket," while secretly keeping every article they've ever seen in print, boasting at bars to prospective bimbos about their employment, all while thinking how to link the three column piece on what to do in a bear attack to the benefits of being an asshole to the recycled articles on the "secret" to providing sexual satisfaction (might be ancient and Chinese), all filler of course, just verbiage to put inbetween 80 ads for powertools, sextip tapes, girls gone wild, penis enhancement pills and whatever else men with 80-120 IQ can be duped into buying...meh. Anyway, some possible headlines or questions for the cover of such a magazine: Is there such a thing as too much product in your hair? Is it gay for men to suntan? Can one make too much money? Can you ever be too ironic? Are sunglasses capable of being too big? The answer to all of which is obviously, "NO!" Douchebags. Where's Ogre when you need him? Instead of growling, "Nerds!" we need ourselves a douchebag hating mascot to get behind!

(As an aside, I did google image search "douchebag" and far too many results came back, many of which I think promoted a narrower category than I'd use, and the thought came to mind that given all the douchebag hating going on out there, it's kinda douchey to be engaging in it, so I'll leave it at that...stupid meta-douchebags [and yes, they've roooooned that prefix turned word too :'( Once useful, meaningful prefix, you'll be missed].

Made a recent trip southwise. Giant crosses were seen atleast twice, if not thrice, but what tickled me most was that next to one, in that oh so supposedly more religious part of the country, was a giant Adult Store. That's what they called themselves, "Lion's Den Adult Store". I think the little logo was of a lion mounting a lioness, but I couldn't make it out. I guess where the internet hasn't been discovered in all its glory, Adult Stores still have some use. I'd think even the truckers have gone wireless by now...anyway, it gave me a good laugh and some hope for that oh so supposedly more religious part of the country...I noticed no fewer churches there than around here, that is just as many or entirely too many, however you wish to look at it. Segue...

Is that what happens to men when their dicks stop working? I've found middle aged to senior aged, middle-class married males can be quite intolerable at times. They no longer give a fuck how they appear or behave, I'm guessing because they've submitted to the idea that they're stuck in that oh so lovely relationship they've been in all these years so why bother keeping your shit together in a way that's not openly bothersome to others in your vicinity? (why is it so rare to see seniors holding hands when they walk together? It's so damned beautiful to see when it is witnessed, though the cynical part of my brain can't help but think it's because they're a new couple, enjoying the benefits of modern-day genital reviving medicine, not some 50 year long couple, but one can still hope. I should also mention not every married man or married person for that matter seems unhappy in their situation, and I myself certainly haven't ruled out the idea on principle. I've just heard too many times, "I don't regret it, but _________", fill in the blank as you wish. A lot of people aren't happily married, even though roughly 50% of them get divorced, I think a large portion just stay married for some other reason, happiness not being the main reason. But then again, what the fuck do I know?). These men sometimes become passionate about politics, and I've yet to hear an original thought in that domain from them. It's like they've become hapless meat-puppets that've latched on to the first talking head that whines, moans and bitches about all the shit they would whine, bitch and moan about if they had their own radio show: old, priveleged white-guy problems. I'm not even sure "problem" is the right word. Very annoying regardless, and a part of me fears I'll end up like that once the part of my brain tickled by women gets jaded or worn out...maybe not, as on more than one occasion I've been told I'll grow to be an old, lonely man, though I've yet to seen such a confirmation via fortune cookie. Back to dealing with these people...Biting my tongue and thinking how I'll outlive them is hardly doing the trick anymore. Need to find a new way from saying something I'd immediately regret. Which brings me to the final thought...

Complete honesty. Is it possible to achieve? I think almost certainly not. You just can't say every little thing that pops into your head, even if it's been a long held belief or conviction. We're all too weird, fucked up and fragile I think. I have, though, longed to start a new e-mail account, and with that begin a new blog, one with no theme, no motive other than to just be completely and utterly honest about every petty thought that passes through my feeble little mind. I often wonder about how if humans survive our species' adolescence, what a wealth of material future anthropologists and social scientists will have at their disposal. And floating out there, amongst the limitless sea of human thoughts will be a blog from some dude, opening up all John Doe, Seven style, but instead of filling up countless notebooks, I'd be aligning virtual zeros and ones, forming strings of run-on sentences in a way which might help enlighten some future, internet dredging researcher on how such intelligent people evolved from creatures such as ourselves. Makes me think of a well-liked quote: In the future there may well be a group of people who flatly deny ever having evolved from us. Or something like that...

But of course, the fear is always of being found out. How many stable social situations could be disrupted from such a venture? And what would be gained? Other than a beautiful place to vent. I'm guessing it'd be a public diary, of sorts. And now that I think about it, I'm guessing there's plenty of those already. I guess I'm stuck with the occasional, selfish, mischievous smile and secret thoughts. Could always be worse...now where's my ruler?


Anonymous said...

waiting for next post

Bazarov said...

me too